Lady in the streets. Freak in the sheets.
To some this implies a separateness for sexuality and the face of what a woman should be. In public, they shouldn’t embrace their bodies and they shouldn’t talk about sex – but as a result of separating these ideas, women rarely talk about a problem that plagues them.
Did you know that most women (sexologists cite close to 70%) rarely or never experience orgasm during intercourse? Despite societal arguments, I very much believe we live within a male dominated ideology in our society. In relation to sexuality, think for a second where most young people might get their sexual information. The United States does not have adequate sex education, so when its time to learn about sex, it is quite often a turn to pornography – which is very male centered – and they end up stuck with sexual misinformation. Men think women should be having an orgasm with strictly vaginal intercourse and women think something is wrong with them if they can’t achieve it.
Women don’t get off so easy (see what I did there). They do share some responsibility. It is important to speak up. If its not happening for you – say something! You become a part of the problem when you know better, but still keep quiet. Research shows that with increased education and age or when a woman is more liberal and less religious, she is more likely to experience orgasm… but only because those women are more likely to ask for what they need – but until one of those points is reached, that’s time spent unsatisfied, yet still giving a boost to a man’s ego. Despite western ideals and using women’s (and men’s) bodies for advertisements, we still have a sexually restricted culture. A woman’s worth is still tied to her virginity and number of partners and sexual speak isn’t for women. Think about it – if you’re going into a consensual sex situation, what is stopping you from admitting that you were less than satisfied?
A lot of this attitude is still tied to the heavy religious undertones of society. Conservative leaning, religious women have kept their ties, but I do not think that sexuality and morality deserve to be intertwined. What is sinful about finding a partner who will provide as much passion for you as you do for them? Isn’t finding this connection a divine expression of the universe – and exactly what the soul craves? It is hard, though, to speak up in a society that focuses on boosting male sexuality – with erectile dysfunction studies and medications being the norm – yet suppresses personal female sexuality by making a woman’s clothing the focus of a sexual assault and by making it “against community standards” on social media to use words such as “vulva” and “clitoris.”
It’s hard to have this discussion when people think you’re being vulgar. What is inappropriate to some, is empowerment to me. When I say to embrace sexuality - it doesn’t mean to flaunt yourself at everyone or try to make a sexual partner of everyone you meet. It doesn’t mean less clothing. It doesn’t mean being something you’re not. Embracing your sexuality means to be comfortable in your skin – knowing who you are and what you want – and not being afraid to make it happen.
Women need to collectively stand together. Be better teachers for each other and for future generations of women. Even if you feel you aren’t a feminist, and that women’s rights issues aren’t even issues, you have to agree that it reprehensible that so many adult women can’t correctly identify their own anatomy and that so many women don’t have a full human experience.
We are not ladies in the streets, then freaks in the sheets – we are one in the same at all times – and we need not be ashamed of things that make us human. Embrace your sexuality and discover what your body has to offer you!
I implore you to speak up before you lie down.
Photo credit to: Madison Hartley of MadHart Productions